The Bizarro Starter Kit (orange) by Bizarro Books

Author:Bizarro Books
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2012-04-23T22:20:09+00:00

CHAPTER TWELVE

Lucifer leads our little parade out to the stairwell that we never would have found on our own, simply because it didn’t exist until he wanted to climb it.

We go up several flights in silence, except for Lithia’s huffing and puffing. When we arrive at a door marked 8, Lucy swings it open and gestures us all forward. “After you,” he says with a little bow.

I’m a little leery—who knows where he could be leading us—but Katina marches right through like she owns the place. Like it’s not the devil inviting her through, but a cute misunderstood boy. I suppose, in his own way, that’s exactly what Lucy is.

With thinly veiled trepidation, the rest of us follow Katina out into the hall and I sigh with relief. The place is sparkling and clean, a lush white carpet that looks as though it has never been walked on before beneath our feet. Brass lamps with frosted glass globes sit on expensive mahogany tables, glowing bright and welcomingly. From somewhere, music is playing and the song sounds vaguely familiar but I can’t quite place it.

“Come along, my little piggies,” Lucy says, starting down the hall. “Follow the big bad wolf.”

We oblige, treading quietly, as if we’re trying hard not to disturb the patrons of this five-star hotel, lest they discover our presence and have us thrown out like the bums that we are.

The music swells the further along the hall we travel and then it finally comes to me: the Beach Boys, singing “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.”

Lucy stops directly in front of the door where the music is coming from and raps his knuckles against it loudly. He looks at us and smiles, looks at the unanswered door and frowns. He raps again, harder this time. “Open up, Jay. You have visitors.”

The door across the hall opens instead and we all turn to see several nuns peeking out at us. One of them spies Lucy, makes the sign of the cross and hisses something in Latin. Another one immediately begins singing along with the Beach boys, clapping her hands in time with the beat, completely oblivious to us.

“That’s the Singing Nun,” Lucy tells us. “The Flying Nun is in there too.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me,” I say.

“Swear to God,” he says dramatically.

One of the nuns pushes past the other two and joins us in the hall. The sight of her makes us grimace: blood flows down her face, streaming from her bloodshot eyes. Lucy jerks a thumb at her. “The Bleeding Nun.” Then he pounds on the door with his fist. “For fuck’s sake, Jay, open the fucking door!”

The door opens abruptly and a young bearded man peers out at us, followed by a cloud of smoke. I sniff and look at Ago. “Mary Jane,” I say and try not to laugh.

“Jesus!” Ago says, his own nose wiggling.

“Hey, how ya doin’, man?” Jesus smiles cheerily. I notice his eyes are even more bloodshot that those belonging to the Bleeding Nun.

“These kindly folks would like to have a word with you, Jay.

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